Xanga is pretty much my journal when i dont remember where i misplaced my journal :) so technically im talking to myself, very much likely.

Dear personal blog,

       It's the 1st of january, in the year of twenty thousand and ten. School's coming up around the corner, and im not prepared for it. It makes me wish "Hakuna Matata" could be true. But for a fact it cannot be true, with my lowering grades, and a road struggling to not be shy, it's impossible. JQ said "well your talking to me right now, you dont seem so shy" around those that i have gotten used to, became friends with, and finally trusted them enough to let my guard down. It also doesnt mean i will always have my guard down around htem, once does not mean forever, it makes me feel sad i always have a guard up, so why cant i be like ducki? My simple answer, because you're Suzy not Ducki, it's really that simple. And then im supposed to ask JQ to help me in math, and D to help me in bio so i dont get kicked out of Guard :/ ask them eh? good suggestion daniel, it's kind of hard. 

It really scares me to hear my dad yell..... It triggers the immediate reaction of fear, and mentally block out any sounds. Agh I hate hostile yelling voices. 

Bye

I've been working on my solo, but believe it or not, i still havent found the title of my song, i know im failing so badly :D. I still kind of envy Minnie for getting Faithfully, but i partially believe she got it because she's brilliant at dancing, and Shawnda wants to see how well she can dance to it. (Oh My Gawd, Dammit i've found every song on the playlist but not my song T.T it's hating on me!) I feel like im the odd one out, because Jenny's the captain, Christie's the co-captain, and Minnie's Shawnda's little dancer D: but then again... I'll just listen to Bridget and D, and not discourage myself. "The weakest will always become stronger, because they have more motivation to rise above the rest" I'm trying, i can imagine myself performing the whole 5 minute solo so perfectly, but that is when im alone with no one staring at me, darn shyness! *PUNCHES THE SCREEN* i cant find the song :( I really feel like the bottom of the chain of all the veteran, tell me how not to discourage myself. "I'm a Suzy!" (like that's not gonna discourage myself) OH tsk tsk

Blogging to my self Falalala Lalalala

I feel as if im climbing a mountain , often where i lose my grip when i get to the top and plummet down again, but usually i'd never get all the way to the top, just a few steps away. Often i would run out of time, or air, and i'd have to go back to base camp 4 or even base camp 3. At the same time my Mountain grows with so much more responsibilities, it's always as if i will never reach the top, but what is the top? Is the top of the mountain the time i finally succeed, or the day i finally die? But will i ever even reach it, would be the question. It seems impossible, but many of my friends have urged me to keep trying, because everyone will fall or move backwards sometimes, but going up is so much more harder than going down. Often mountain climbers say, you have to be selfish not selfless to finally reach the top, you have to put everyone aside, and do what you have to do. I dont know how to do that though. I think thats why im still falling, plummeting.....